Bodily Functions

Confession: sometimes when it comes to being mature about bodily functions, I have a hard time... Especially when it comes to farting. Call me immature, but occasionally even I can't keep it in! So the other day we were in the middle of class and it was totally quite. One of my students sneezed and farted at the same time! I thought it was funny, but then it just got funnier... Another child said, "Bless you," and she said politely (and maybe a little embarrassingly), "Thank you... And excuse me!" She laughed a little, and then another child turned around and said, "Dude, I thought that was a fart!" I couldn't take it anymore! I just stayed at the back of the class and tried to keep it in! The whole class didn't even know how funny it was!

Then, later on that day, I was helping a few kids get set up to take a test, and one girl was patiently waiting and the other girl had the hiccups. But these were no ordinary hiccups... They sounded like (hiccup), "Ow!"... (hiccup), "Ow!" Over and over again! Not sure why this was so funny, but I has to go out into the hall because I was laughing so hard! The girl next to her was probably thinking, "How am I supposed to take a test while she has the hiccups... Of all the rotten luck!"

One more farting experience. I have my PE kids do leg lifts. So they lie on the floor and have to lift their legs up. All too often, the kids let one rip as they are lifting their legs. Now I know that this is partially my fault because I make them do it, but it's also hilarious! The only fear I have is when I have to show them how to do leg lifts properly. If they fart, the kids get over it in a few minutes... If I farted, I'd never hear the end of it!

You've Been Summoned

This morning, one of the other teachers needed me to help out with something, so she sent a student over to my classroom.  First she just looked in, and then she came back a minute later.  She threw out her arms and said in a formal voice, "Ms. Brown summons you," and then in a less excited tone, "Whatever that means!" Maybe we need some work on vocabulary!

So Admired...

Today, one of my students (that I just love), said, "I think you are going to invite me over to your house real soon."  So, I asked, "Why do you say that?"  She said, "I got a fortune cookie last night, and it said that I will be a guest of someone I admire!"

So Pretty....

I have a student that tells me pretty much every day, "You look pretty today!"  During parent/teacher conferences, he came for his conference and told me I looked pretty.  Then he turned to his mom and said with such pride in his voice, "I tell her that every day!"  So, we did our conference, and then, as they were leaving, he said, "Thanks for teaching me.  And, thanks for always looking so pretty!"  That same night, I had a student's little sister tell me I was so pretty!  It was so funny because she said it really quietly like it was more just a thought that escaped her mind!  Back to the child that always calls me pretty, one day, he asked me if I had seen some show.  I told him I hadn't, and he said, "My family is going to see it tonight if you want to come with me."  Say wha?  Did he just ask me out?  That's definitely a no!  So, now it's like a competition between 2 boys to see which one can tell me I look pretty first.  I wonder how long they'll keep this up before they get bored of it... I'm bored of it! :)

New Year, New Grade

This year, I switched from 3rd grade to 6th grade, and I have realized that it's one of the best moves I've ever made!  I love teaching 6th grade!  Sure, there is some drama, and the kids have bigger problems, but I love 6th grade!  Stories to come...

Would You Rather...

Would you rather have everything you have done in the mirror in the past week be shown at a school assembly or have all of your conversations with friends broadcast on the radio?

• "I would hate being spied on in the bathroom. In my bathroom, weird things happen."
• "I would rather find out that all of my moments in front of a mirror in the past week have been secretly filmed because I don't sing in the shower or while I'm doing anything in front of the mirror, and I could just take the mirror down, and plus I always have a towel on after I take a shower, well a robe."
• "One reason that I want that is because it would be weird to be filmed when you're brushing your teeth. Another reason is that if you pose in the mirror, you would have the who school see you posing, and they would think you are the weirdest person in the school. Another reason is that you are in your p.j.s and you are brushing your teeth then they might make fun of you because of your p.j.s."
• "I would rather have all my conversations recorded. That would be embarrassing. So yeah. It's personal. I just think it would be weird and you could just talk about good things with your friends. Or you could talk about things America needs to work on."
• "I would rather be secretly filmed in the bathroom because I have done a lot of funny stuff in the mirror this past week. I sing, I dance, and I do a lot of crazy stuff. My sister does that a lot too, and she is fourteen!"
• "Because you might have really personal secrets with your friends, and you don't want the whole school to know. If you have a personal secret to yourself, well don't say it in the mirror, I mean who does that? So, make good choices."

AND... For my personal favorite:

• "In my bathroom there's a mirror right in front of my toilet so that would be the most embarrassing thing of my life! And I don't like being filmed at the bathroom because that's where I eat the snacks I take from the pantry without permission!

Would You Rather...

So, in my classroom, the kids will respond to "Would You Rather..." questions. So many of their responses are hilarious, so I am going to start including some of those in my blog. Hilarious things written by students to come!

A Frog! A Frog!

Some of the worst words I've ever heard... "I found a frog in the classroom!" "A What? Oh my gosh... okay, take it outside and let it go!" So I sent the "bug-lover" child with the frog (MISTAKE), and she came back a few minutes later with the frog, and she said, "I want to just keep it!" I told her that was NOT an option, and she needed to take it back outside and leave it there! That process took about 5 more minutes, and then they finally returned. Now, we don't have frogs at our school, not that I have ever seen, so then you must be wondering how a frog got into my classroom. I had my suspicion right away as to who it might be. But, I didn't question until she came running up (right after I sent them out with the frog), and she begged (jumping up and down... the works) to use the restroom. I wouldn't let her go, and she went back to her seat and was fine. Then, at recess, she admitted to bringing the frog to school... Wow... all in a day's work!

Is Spelling Really Important?

The other day, one of my students asked how to spell Korea. He was writing in his journal (and I don't help with spelling for journal), so I told him to just do the best. I looked at what he had written and it was spelled C-O-R-I-A. He showed me how he spelled it, and then he said, "I don't know for sure if that's right, but it's short for Korea!" So apparently Coria is SHORT for Korea... I learn something new everyday!

No Praying in Schools

We were playing a game the other day, and one of my students put his hands together up above his head, pulled them down (in a praying position), and was muttering something to himself. He REALLY wanted to win the game! So much, that it turned him into a prayin' man!

Countries and Trees

One of my students was sharing about herself since she was Student of the Week, and another student (unless my hearing is bad) asked, "What's your favorite country?" She asked him to repeat himself and he did. And then, she said, "Kind of tree? Probably apple!" And not one of them questioned it or laughed... But I did (inside)!

Back to School

We have been back to school this whole week! It's crazy since most of the other schools around here don't start til Monday. All I can say is that this year is going to be a whole new challenge! Every school has a grade where they just don't know where to put the naughty kids because there are too many to split them completely up! So, they put a "most naughty" in each class and then fill the class with equal or lesser naughties! Let me tell you, this week has been crazy! I have some really good kids... but I have a few really bad kids. So, this school year will either make me retire, or it will build character (as my old man puts it), or BOTH....

Book Reports

Today was book report sharing day! Ben got up to share, and when it came time to answer a question from the class, Karly just asked her question without raising her hand and being called on by him. His response caught me off guard. He answered the question, and then he said, "But really you need to raise your hand and stop talking out because it really annoys me." I just gave him a little reminder that I am the teacher, and he only needs to worry about himself. Haha I think we have a teacher in the making!

Pre-Kindergarten Testing

Last week I helped with Pre-Kindergarten testing. One of the questions on the test was, "What sound does the word cat begin with?" I couldn't believe how many kids answered, "Meow". When they answered that way, I would rephrase the question. I was testing one kid, and he answered, "Meow", so I said, "No, what sound do you hear at the beginning of Cat?" His face wrinkled all up and he let out the sweetest little, "Meow" that he could, trying to be more convincing! And yes, I laughed... a little!

Brainwashed...

So, my students may be a little brainwashed. Most of them think I don't have a boyfriend because I keep that to myself. Boyfriends change from time to time, and I really don't think that my students need to know about my personal life in that way! So, one day Kate came in and said that her mom showed her a picture of me. It must have been my facebook picture because my boyfriend was in it. Kate said, "My mom said she thinks you have a secret boyfriend!" I can't lie, I got a little nervous because I have some smarty pants in my class that like to give me a hard time about that! But then she told me, "I said, 'No mom, that's her brother!'"

Today, I was telling them a story and it included somebody from the office asking if I was dating a D.A.R.E officer, and Kate said, "You aren't even dating anyone!" Glad I have her convinced! I have had so many close encounters with that one! It's not that it's a huge secret, I just don't care to have my kids in my personal business!

GO AWAY!

So, my students are working on book reports, and I have been giving them silent reading time after recess each day. This helps calm them down, and they can have time to read their books for their reports. At this time during the day, they are allowed to sit wherever they want. So today, one of my girls decided she was going to sit right in front of my desk. Well, you know how 3rd graders are... Right now I have 5 kids sitting near my desk. Ha! Wow, they must just love me so much! But I have be careful, because one time, a kid was sitting right in front of my desk, and I stretched my legs out and kicked him! Oops! I totally didn't see him there!

Vocabulary Woes

So we had just come in from recess, and I assigned them vocabulary. They aren't huge fans of vocabulary, but they usually just get it done as quickly as possible because they want to move on to something more exciting! So, Ben raised his hand, and he said, "I don't feel very well rested, can I go home and take a nap?" My thoughts were, "Uhhh I don't feel well rested ever, and I can't just go home and take a nap..." But, as I was trying to come up with a response, Kate raised her hand, and asked, "Can I ask Ben some questions? I'm a Girl Scout and I learned about this!" Without a response for me, she yelled to Ben, "Ben! Ben! Do you feel hot and tired?" I about died! I think she was trying to diagnose him with heat stroke or something! By that time I was able to come up with a response, and I said, "Why don't you go to the drinking fountain and get a drink, and then maybe you will be awake enough to do your vocabulary."

Interesting Fact Day

So, as a class, we are doing a countdown to the end of the school year. We do a letter of the alphabet every day for the last 26 days of school. "I" day was "Interesting Fact" day. The students were encouraged to find an interesting fact to share with the class, and then each was given an opportunity to share. Sarah came to me at the beginning of the day with a big red bag. She told me that she wanted the class to guess what was in her bag before she shared her fact. I was a little worried, but not too bad. On the bag, it said, "Orthotics and Prosthetics". So, I happen to be one of those people who doesn't like blood, and I don't like medical things at all! But, I figured it couldn't be too bad. So, when it came time to share, she asked the class if anyone knew what was in her bag. Of course none of them did! As a side note, her mom comes in and helps every Friday. So then she says, "I don't want you to look at my mom weird after I show you this." Now, I am starting to get worried! So, she opens the bag and pulls out a prosthetic leg (from the knee down... foot and all)! Oh my heavens! I was starting to feel a little "weirded" out! I didn't laugh, because that would be inappropriate, but I wanted to! But, it gets even better! After school that day, I was leaving my room to go up to the office, and Sarah came running in! "I forgot my mom's leg!" Oh boy... well we can't be forgetting that now can we?!

Tales of a School Teacher

This blog is designed for me to share some funny things that I experience in my classroom. Kids really say some of the funniest things! So, the idea behind this blog is to hopefully put a smile on your face by sharing funny stories of things that occur at school! All of the student's names have been changed for their own protection! Hope you enjoy!